They believe that they should be okay with having casual sex and having it often. “Many of my clients come to therapy because they are confused. “Both heterosexual and homosexual men have been led to believe that the more times they have sex, the more masculine they are,” says Justin Duwe, a psychologist, sexologist, and author of The Truth About Chemsex. This comes after a survey by The Observer in 2014 found that libido (in Britain at least) had decreased overall among men and women, and another study that suggested that low desire in men under 40 has seen a sharp increase in recent years. According to a recent study, 15% of men reported that they had low interest in sex. But Liam and Craig are just two of the many gay men whose relationship with sex isn’t as easy as "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am." Personally, since I started taking SSRIs, my sex drive-or at least my desire to be intimate with another person-has plummeted (not, I’ll admit, that it was that high to begin with). Age, physical health, mental health, and medications can all play a part.
There can be medical reasons for a lack of personal libido. Why? Because not every gay person is DTF. On the other, it’s a damaging affirmation of a stereotype that’s causing problems. Likewise, open conversations about the sexual mores of gay men are pretty fabulous. While certain corners of gay media would do well to be more diverse and inclusive of race and different bodies, it’s rather brilliant we live in a time where BuzzFeed can post a listicle written by a gay man thirsting after bulges. On the one hand all of this is wonderful. If you hang out with a group of gay guys (and I’m severely generalizing here), chances are a lot of the conversation will flit between RuPaul’s Drag Race and sex-who’s a top and who’s a bottom? What was that guy like that you hooked up with on that app? Spit or swallow? And if a lot of gay media is to believed, we’re all thirsty bitches eager to find the next Instathottie, shirtless Jonas Brother, or daddy whose “hottest moments” are plastered all over the Internet. The sheer staggering amount of lube aside, it’s an understandable (and perhaps warranted) stereotype that gay men partake in a lot of sex. From the dark rooms of clubs (yes, they very much do exist beyond the cliché), the saunas and bathhouses, and now the apps installed on nearly every gay man’s phone, gay sex is accessible night and day. If, like me, one of your first introductions to the LGBTQ scene was Queer as Folk (both the British and American versions), then your main takeaway was probably that gay men like to fuck… a lot.